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10/16/09 07:12 pm - Sexuality Journal 4: The Test

 Was not to mastubate for 100 hours. I’ve certainly gone longer than that, but under easier circumstances. In fact I think my record is a week, at least since that kind of thing became routine. But the time I lasted a week was at a cottage where we all slept in one room and there was one bathroom for 15 people, so when you really have no chance to jack off except in the forest† you just kind of forget about it. 

But the 100 hour test made me realize some things about the way I run my life. Not things I didn’t know at least a bit already, but it definitely brought them to light. I live my life like a robot. I follow strict routines and patterns day in and day out. I know how long nearly every task I do will take to perform, I could draw a map of where I go in my apartment every day and how many times I go to each room. I know pretty accurately what I wore and ate most of this week and last. I could probably go three weeks back if I wanted to. But I don’t. You get the idea. I love trying new things, I have experimental taste in food. I travel to different places in the city simply to see what they’re like. I do my best to spend time with people I don’t know very well, thought there aren’t many opportunities for this. New experiences keep my life from being something exceedingly routine. 

The problem is that I’ve let the sexual activities in my life become exceedingly routine. Busting a loadº about six times a week just worked for me. It kept my mind (mostly) off sex when I needed to be thinking about other things. I got a better sleep. But it gets fucking boring. So I try out different techniques, it gets better for about  a week, and then it gets boring again. My system has outgrown it’s usefulness. It was put in place so that thinking about getting laid wouldn’t get in the way of doing homework or keeping the apartment proper. But the problem has become the opposite. Originally sexuality was obstructing my life, now my life is obstructing my sexuality. regular masturbation robbed me of the motivation to go out and get laid. 

Ok here is my shocking admittance: I haven’t gotten laid since moving to Montreal (a year and three months). Fuck. That just blows. It’s my own fault though. There have been plenty of opportunities. I just haven’t been willing to go to the effort. It’s been practically handed to me, and I just though “well why bother, if she wants to date I won’t have time for that, and I’m kinda tired right now anyways.” This has gotten terrible. The combination of laziness and logic and responsibility that rules my brain has done some serious damage to my game. This has got to stop right here. I’ve got to stop watering down my motivation and passion with routine and masturbation. Um except it has been quite a while now and my 100 hour test ended 45 minutes ago. This might be a good place to end.

?Yes I have capitalized on this on other occasions.

 

?I was going to try and fit as many expressions for this in the journal, but it might get tiresome, and it also exceeds the scope of this 

composition.

10/10/09 11:38 am - Sexuality Journal 3: Ice Cream

Somehow during the course of my evening, the question of whether or not anal sex was a vanilla sex act came up. My roommates and I were at a loss. Anal isn’t naturally occurring, save an occassionally miss*, but neither are blowjobs or anything else anyone does, so whether or not cavemen did it is a moot point. We’re not fostering the next generation by doing it, but it happens.

In a recent polling of friends via drunken Never Have I Ever, about 90% had tried anal. But all of them had tried it in long term relationships. Anal is a pretty hard thing to pull off in the short term, or even a one night stand. It might even require an in-depth conversation to initiate. 

With the advent of the internet pretty much every fetish is well known, and what might have been bizarre pre-1993 is now an admittable kink. Ah! I just remembered how the conversation came up in the first place: There was a segment of a variety show featuring clips of armpit fetishists on youtube. One of my roommates admitted that armpits were pretty good, and the conversation progressed. Personally I think armpit is just an accessory to side boob, but that’s just me. But to hear my roommate admit it, he being the traditionalist that he is, was surprising.With every kink receiving so much exposure, and all but the most outlandish being acceptable, is anything non-vanilla† anymore? 

The resolution I came to was that anything that might require conversation to initiate is non-vanilla. If you have to explain it to someone, it isn’t vanilla sex. 

What is considered standard sex is sort of the same as what’s considered standard good looks. People think that every guy wants Scarlett Johanson (meh) and every girl wants Brad Pitt (wicked!) and that everyone wants missionary with passionate kisses. Of course this is not the case, and standard sex doesn’t quite do it for some, or probably most, people. Someone might want Kevin Spacey beating them up in a chipmunk suit. And that’s totally okay as long as Kevin’s into it. Or if he’s getting something in return. But uh, that’s a totally different thing, and my thoughts on the Price of Admission are pretty much the same as Dan Savageº, and I certainly couldn’t do justice to it. I’m gonna go eat a Drumstick.

*Really that is a terrible excuse and a sneaky way to check whether or not your partner is open to what you want to do. 


†Chocolate? Can we make a list of kinks, group them toghether and designate everyone’s kink as an ice cream flavour? Everyone could just tell their potential partner their flavour and if they matched up, then all would be well. Is there anything argots can’t do for subcultures?


º http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ObrFwjesno&feature=channel_page


 

10/2/09 06:21 pm - Sexuality Journal 2: How I Learned About Sex

 In a fucking dream. Seriously. This was way back when I was 7. I’m sure I had never heard anything about sex, Beyond knowledge of it through social consciousness, or maybe hearing other people talking about it. 

My family wasn’t super conservative but I haven’t ever really talked with them about sex with my parents. I retract that, there were two occassions. First one was when I was about 14, watching a National Geographic special with my dad, and he said “look Jeff, those two elephants are having sex!” and I said “uh huh?” and that was about as close as I ever got to The Talk. 

The other time the word sex came up in conversation with my parents was during a screaming match. This is when I was 17 and they were convinced I was rebelling and living a life of debauchery when I was staying out late*. I yelled “Listen, haven’t done drugs or had sex so get off my back” and that quelled whatever fears they had.

All my friends were just as clueless I was. I was a quiet kid and certainly didn’t talk to any of the kids who might know what sex is at the tender age of 7. The dream was this: I was on the playground, and there was a boy and a girl who said that they loved each other. I told them that they didn’t really love each other, they said they really did. I told them that to prove that they were in love, the boy would have to put his penis in vagina†. They didn’t because I guess they weren’t really that convinced of their love and the dream ended. It’s a little weird, but after that it just sort of made sense.º

I’m curious as to whether humans know the mechanics of sex  instinctually or not. In prehistoric times I imagine that kids would have seen adults fucking (or I guess it might have still been considered mating if we’re going that far back). But if someone were raised in a vaccuum, and were presented with a member of the opposite sex, would they know what to do?

Do kids need the sex talk? The internet doesn’t seem to think so. Of course with the advent of the internet, I guess kids can just search it. Post internet kids have it easy. But most sites I found said to parents that they didn’t need to give their kids a talk. That instead of forcing it upon their kids they should instead “cultivate an atmosphere where the child is comfortable to ask about sex.” I don’t think I agree with this. It sounds great in theory, but I think that most people couldn’t 

cultivate-an-atmosphere their way out of a wet paper bag. It seems like lazy 

parenting. I had and have a great relationship with my parents, but I certainly wouldn’t have felt comfortable bringing up the topic of masturbation.

I think parents need to talk about sex with their children. It might feel painfully awkward, but the alternative is worse. I don’t know anyone who really got The Talk, at least not until long after they had become sexually active. Every guy I’ve talked to felt immense shame about masturbation, even though it’s perfectly healthy and normal. A girl a know was convinced she was dying when she got her first period. Another broke her hymen while riding a horse and had no idea what had happened. The talk is bad but the alternative is worse. We can’t just hope our kids will learn it in a dream.

*I wasn’t. Instead of getting trashed and boning through my adolescence, I read graphic novels and watched cult cartoons. It didn’t get me very far in high school but it gave me a bit of a head start when it comes to knowing what’s cool to know about in your early 20s as a beta male.


†It was all very PG, I certainly did not see them fuck in the dream. I also seemed to be confused about the correlation between love and sex.


ºI also dreamed that the ghost of one of my high school classmates was haunting me, and found out later that he had died in a boating accident a week prior. And I watched Ferris Bueler’s Day Off the day before John Hughes died. But honestly it’s all a coincidence. Probably tells us that sometimes strange shit happens.


 

9/30/09 09:10 pm - Sexuality Journal 1: Bromance

Hey Kids, 

I've been writing journals for my sexuality nü skül class, and really their pretty awesome so their going up here. This one is an edited repost of an older entry, but I promise the next 5 are new material. They'll all go up within the next two weeks or so. 

Every few months I take stock of my situation and wonder whether I’m gay. I’m not, haven’t been, and probably will not ever be gay, but I think it’s just one of those things that people should consider from time to time. And I definitely have some reasons consider it.

I usually appreciate good looks in men, and even sort of have taste. It might not be because I’m attracted too them, but for the sake of comparison. Guys after puberty are all sorts of competition for each other, and bros before hoes and all that aside, a lot of the time male friendships are based on competitive

behaviour. Guys play videogames or sports or see who can drink the most to see who is the best. Because eventually it all comes down to being alpha male. My friend suggested to me that I might appreciate good looks in men the same way I might appreciate a good make of car or a sturdy shovel, but I don’t neccesarily think that’s true. Sturdiness is not the primary factor.

I also can appreciate a man’s body from an artistic perspective. Guys are always better to draw than girls. Maybe that’s because I know a guy’s body better, but to me men are cardboard boxes and women are plastic bags. If you have remote talent, you can draw a cardboard box and it will look damn good. It’s solid and mechanical and shapely. Women are like plastic bags, you can draw them, but unless your very talented, they’ll end up looking flat or fake. But if you nail it it’ll look fucking great. But I digress. Attention to men’s looks certainly isn’t sufficient reason to reconsider one’s sexual orientation.

Throughout my life I have always had close male friends, as most boys do. But I know I occasionally experience love beyond platonic brotherly love*. It would fall closer to the romantic love end of the spectrum, where I could think to myself that I wouldn’t mind this person being the most important person in my life. I can think of several guy friends I know right now who feasibly fit into this category.

On the flipside, there are very few women I feel the desire to be this close to. Rarely do I have the desire to enter into a relationship with any girl, not out of shyness or fear but just a lack of want for it. Logically to me I would pair up much better with another guy. However the crux of the problem is this: I don’t want to fuck a guy. There just isn’t that urge to just jump any guy who seems attractive to me. I see a guy and think “man, that looks like a cool guy, we should hang out I bet we’d get along great.” But no chemical thrust to fuck them. I tried watching gay porn but realized that I don’t even like most heterosexual porn† so it certainly wouldn’t be a good litmus test.

I went on a diatribe about my problems to my roommate, and they suggested that I just have a really good eye for male relationships, and maybe a bad eye for female relationships. close friends are just people you love and don’t want to fuck, and significant others are people you love that you do want to fuck.

When it comes to my own sexuality or anyone else’s, people should be a little more introspective than they probably are. Obsessing over it is bad, but the worse thing is not be to think about what you really seek out in in a partner. I haven’t really had many good, comfortable sexual experiences in the past. Either I didn’t know the girl or didn’t like the girl or we were somewhere uncomfortable in our relationship° or I felt pressure to perform beyond my abilities. And ultimately that all leads to a great desire now to have a simple, familiar, safe and comfortable relationship. Or maybe I just need a man.

*There a word for that, just googled it but cannot find the word I’m looking for. Platonic is friendly love, eros is erotic love right? There are two other latin words for kinds of love: The love of god and 

romantic love, but I can’t remember what they are. There might be a family one too.


†Why is no one attractive ever in porn? It just doesn’t really happen. I now spend $4 a month for Suicide Girls, and it’s certainly worth it. Even the articles are fucking great. It’s also a beautiful and functional website.


°Or just somewhere uncomfortable.

7/5/09 12:26 am - A Note on Open Mindedness

I am not classically open minded by any stretch of the imagination. The people I know of who are most concerned with being open minded are those who have leftist views. Nothing wrong with that, just observing the limited sample of people I know. People who like to think of themselves as open minded are those who believe that they are accepting of every view. You can believe what you like as long as it does not hurt anyone. Sounds peachy right? Here's the thing. People who think that they are open minded and accepting of all views are not accepting of one: The view that does not accept every other view.

Open minded people can't accept people who are not open minded. If this person believes that only their view is right, then an open minded person will do their best to open this person's eyes, to show that that indeed, everyone is right. But the world (at least in my narrow view) doesn't work like that. Someone ends up right and someone ends up wrong. But open minded people insist that we not take sides, that any view that is not all-encompassing is incorrect. But by supporting everything, does not one really support nothing? If you agree with everything, your not really saying anything, your just trying to make everyone happy.

Here is where I argue that I am open minded. I'm not, but hear me out. If I get in an argument with someone, I enter into that argument with a firm belief that my views are correct. My opinions have got me this far, what reason do I have to doubt them? But when I reflect on an argument, I accept that that person I am arguing with, that person who is contradicting me every step of the way, believes that they are right with the exact same conviction that I believe I am right. And that's what makes us equal. As much as we have dissonant views, we believe we are correct and are each passionate in our opinions. Second only to our actions, our opinions make us the people that we are. Which unfortunately means we have to agree to disagree. But fuck I'm going to have fun arguing that.

4/15/09 10:03 pm - It's Blitz

 I reviewed the Yeah Yeah Yeahs third album for the school paper (The Pants). Here it is:

The Yeah Yeah Yeahs have always asked a bit more from their fans than other bands. 2006's Show Your Bones was a folky acoustic departure drastically different from their art punk debut Fever To Tell.On It's Blitz  the Yeah Yeah Yeahs change their style yet again. If the synth soaked single Zero worried you, with it's 80s reminiscent vocal melodies and static song structure, then you might have a little trouble digesting the album on first listen. But first things first, It's Blitz might have the most viscerally satisfying album art ever. It's worth picking up the album just for the hand-crushing-egg cover and CD depicting the Yeah Yeah Yeahs on a pizza.  Open that pizza box and have a listen.


The first three tracks may be troublesome for those of us who are not dance music fans. They're indisputably synth dance tracks, and though they reveal a before unknown side of the YYYs, it seems as though some of the band's chemistry is squashed underneath the looming foot of club music. Karen O's vocals shine through, but Nick Zinner is not quite as inspired on synth as he is on guitar. Likewise Brian Chase's syncopated pattern drumming is absent and is mostly replaced by the monotonous kick-snare-kick-snare beat ubiquitous in dance music. The key to enjoying these tracks is getting a very nice set of speakers or turning your headphones way up and listening to that stellar production. Nick Launay and David Andrew Sitek (of fellow New York band TV on the Radio) do and absolutely epic job recording the album. The mixes, backing tracks and meticulous tweaking really do make the album.

 

After It's Blitz's initial dance assault, the album becomes a bit more YYYs veteran friendly.  Skeletons serves as the soft, sweet eye of the storm before we get to the meat of the mid-album. The Juicy Dull Life is a perfect track for fans of Show Your Bones and those aggressive guitar riffs and buildups make it one of the standout tracks of It's Blitz. Runaway gives us a chunky 5 minutes of  ominous piano balllad, eventually swelling to orchestral grandeur. Tunde Adebimpe (also of TV on the Radio) accompanies Karen O on a Bee Gees style disco romp in Dragon Queen, which, although bizarre, adds breath and variety to the album. Also included are acoustic versions of four of the tracks, which beefs up the scrawny 10 song album, and will certainly be enjoyed by fans of Karen O's side project, Native Korean Rock. Ultimately, if you've survived the blitz of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs change in styles over the years, or if you've never heard them before and are looking the get your feet wet, pick up It's Blitz and dance 'till your dead.

3/29/09 10:03 pm - Take This Lonesome Brain and Wash it Down the Drain

 It takes a long time to adjust to a new place. Only now do I feel like I'm starting to make new friends. It's not like I bombed around school alone all the time, but I'm finally meeting people who I enjoy the company of and who I could potentially call up to hang out. I think it probably takes about a year to establish yourself in a new city. In Ottawa I had it fucking made. I couldn't walk down a street downtown without meeting someone I knew. Not necessarily a good thing, but it adds a certainly level of comfort when you can talk to the staff at your favorite stores and they know you by name, and you know where to go to get whatever to you need. I don't get lost in Montreal, but I am just now figuring out where to go to buy clothes and what bars and venues to go to. I have yet to go to a good club in Montreal. When I know my city inside out it makes me much more confident, and I cannot yet confidently say that I am a Montréaler. They just walk too fucking slow. 

Earth hour was a couple days ago, I won't bore you with my anti-green ranting but if you feel you need a refresher about how head-in-the-sand retarded Earth Hour is just click here: http://angryspoons.livejournal.com/2008/02/02/

I tried learning to play the saw this weekend. I can play it with a mallet but I forgot to buy rosin for the bow so my playing sounds very clanky because I'm playing with the back of a knife. Also bought a giant poster of Paris to make a collage on, I've been collecting anything printed that I could get my hands on over the past month. Been recording bits of music I come up with and a couple lyrics, but nothing concrete. I've got enough ideas for album, but I'm just not talented enough to put the pieces together. Coming up with a bass/drum part or a lead melody isn't super difficult, but I can't write a whole song to save my life. School keeps me on my toes most of the time, so that when I do get a second to do my own thing I get distracted by something else. Like dreaming about drawing webcomics. Or trying to play a saw.




3/21/09 12:00 pm - Raised on a Diet of Broken Biscuits

Living in Verdun, even though it's not the lunatics-on-the-loose Montreal suburb it was in the 70s, can still be a surreal experience. A couple of days ago, I was walking back from the metro with some friends around 11am and spotted a relatively normal looking old man shambling along the sidewalk. As he zombie-walked towards us, he began vomiting. It spilled down his front and splattered on the sidewalk where it rested, gleaming in the morning sun. Throughout this, the blank expression on the man's face did not change, nor did he slow his pace. 

During a blizzard about a month ago, I exited our apartment door, which is about five feet from the entrance of the dépanneur we live on top of, because I need milk. I didn't bother changing out of the T-shirt, shorts and slippers I was wearing in the apartment because even though it was frigid outside it only takes about two steps outside  to get into the dep. During my two steps outside I noticed a disheveled woman glare at me as a pass. As I get to the door of the dep I hear her shout at me: "What are you, the best thing since Sliced fuckin' bread?"

1/8/09 04:46 pm - She Likes To Be Comfortable Wherever She Goes And Feels That This Might Help Her Be So

 Every few months I take stock of my situation and wonder whether I'm gay. I'm not, haven't been, and probably will not ever be gay, but I think it's just one of those things that people should consider from time to time. One should always wonder if they are really who they think they are. I wonder if Im gay the same way a man with an electric car might wonder if he needs to fill up his tank (not to say that being straight is more efficient than being gay). It's just always interesting to see if things you believe in or circumstances you are in determine where you stand on issues. If Someone believes in gun registration and abortion, where do you think they stand on gay marriage? Are they definitely left wing? Does it matter whether I fit into a predictable young adult stereotype or not?

But I digress. When I was a kid I wasn't friends with any girls save a few that I didn't spend much time with. In my pre-pubescent days I certainly remember experiencing a love for my male friends that was somewhat beyond a platonic relationship. What might now be referred to as Bromance. I don't really think that wondering what your friends look like naked at the ages before 10 is gay behavior. As a kid I also wondered what dirt tasted like. Anyways I was very much a boy raised by women, I spent a lot of time with my older sister and mom and it shows. These days the only other males I see on a regular basis are James and Alex, and I think it's strange that there's been a complete polar shift as to which gender I spend time with. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing, but balance is usually a safe bet. 

I can also usually appreciate good looks in men, not because I'm attracted too them, but for the sake on comparison. Guys after puberty are all sort of competition for each other, and Bros before Hos and all that aside, a lot of the time male friendships are based on competitive behaviour. Guys play videogames or sports or see who can drink the most to see who is the best. Because eventually it all comes down to being alpha male. I also can appreciate a man's body from an artistic perspective. Guys are always better to draw than girls. Maybe that's because I know a guy's body better, but to me men are cardboard boxes and women are plastic bags. If you've got remote talent, you can draw a cardboard box and it will look damn good. It's sturdy and mechanical and shapely and solid. Women are like plastic bags, you can draw them, but unless your very talented, they'll end up looking flat or fake. But if you nail it it'll look fucking great. 

When it comes to my own sexuality or anyone else's, people should be a little more introspective than they probably are. Obsessing over it is bad, but the worse thing is not be to think about what you really seek out in in a partner. I'm always a bit intrigued by how different the qualities that attract me now are very different from what I might have been after however many years ago.  When I was younger the idea of having a sexual encounter in some clandestine or unusual place was a bit of a preoccupation for me. In fact I often say that deep down every guy is an exibitionist. But lately I've been really taken with girls in pyjama-y (read as "not gangsta or yoga style" sweatpants) or loose fitting clothes  and skirts as opposed to a year ago and earlier when tight jeans or revealing clothes might have been more attractive. If I think about my history, I can guess the reason that I'm probably attracted to girls in more comfortable clothes now is because I haven't really had many comfortable sexual experiences in the past. Either I didn't know the girl or didn't like the girl or we were somewhere uncomfortable or our relationship was in a weird spot or I felt pressure to perform beyond my abilities. And ultimately that all leads to a great desire now to have a simple, familiar, safe and comfortable relationship. In fact I think all of my kinks revolve around comfort and trust and security issues.Or maybe I just need a man.

1/7/09 12:07 pm - "Call my Name!" "I Can't! I've got to Keep my Feet on the Ground."

 I had a dream that made me wake up last night. I was with Cindy and one of her friends from school on my Sister's street (Marie Anne Ouest) in Montreal. She and her friend were unloading boxes from my family's old van while I was unloading boxes from a larger moving truck. Suddenly the van starts rolling down the street and towards a much steeper hill. I yell to Cindy that she's taken the car out of park and that she has to pull some lever to stop it. Clearly I don't drive. She yells that the lever hasn't been moved and they go careening down the hill. The weather is really windy but dry and warm and the sky is overcast. Suddenly the wind really picks up, and the yellow rain coat that I'm wearing (because yesterday in real life Denise told me that it was going to be stormy today) balloons up around me and I get swept off my feet. The wind drags me 10 feet vertically into the air and then stops and I fall to the ground. The Wind is getting really strong now and even the big truck that I'm holding onto is blowing down the street. I lose my grip and get thrown thirty feet into the air, and when I landed it hurt so much, more than anything I've felt in real life. At this point everything is getting torn apart, like that scene in the original Never Ending Story where the nothing comes. I do my best to hold on to the truck, and it go down the hill.

By the time I'm at the bottom the wind has stopped, and I find Cindy and her friend and tried to explain what I thought happened, but my teeth start becoming the texture of gum (a reoccurring theme in my dreams) and I wake up, my teeth clenched so hard it hurts. I get up to get water, and after that pray more than I've prayed in a long time because it was scary. It might have been a rapture dream where I get left behind. Regardless after that I proceeded to sleep for  a total of 11 hours last night even though I wasn't tired, which is fucking depressing. I spend so much time sleeping now, and I don't know what to do to stop. I already have two alarms that I have to get up to turn off. Wasting my time makes me kinda sad. Even though I'm not doing much these days I'd like to be awake for it. 

1/2/09 08:08 pm - The Fastest Way to go From Star A to Star B

Today I deleted all 400 something tracks on my computer and Mp3 player. I felt that all my music was getting stale and that that wasn't a good way to be. If I get used to my music it loses meaning, it just becomes white noise. I don't want my favorite songs to be elevator music. So I decided that I should start over and do my best to revel in the unexpected. Here is the current list of CDs:

Karkwa- Le Volume Du Vent
Halfbaked- Sings the Century of Foam for Your Pleasure
Crystal Castles- Crystal Castles
Elliot Smith- Elliot Smith
Band of Horses-Everything All The Time
Shad- The Old Prince
San Serac- Professional
The Black Keys- Attack & Release

I think this is a strong list to start off, I've got really good variety at least. The Francophone section is a big piece of the pie, Karkwa filling out the melodic pretty rock and Halfbaked balancing it out with their balls to the wall pop. Crystal Castles and San Serac's electro are balanced by Ellliot Smith and The Black Key's roots approach. Shad represents Hip Hop minorities and Band of Horses counters with wussy boy ballads. I could stand some older bands and a band with a good female vocalist would be nice (CC doesn't have much vocalization). If you know any albums that deserve to be added, please tell me so.

1/1/09 10:32 pm - Compulsory Quiz

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Moved out!

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't think I bought tickets for every show, but I will continue to try.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My cousin did, as did Andrew and Dominique.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
I don't think so.

5. What countries did you visit?
Verdun.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
I'd like to play some shows this year.

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
July 12, when we moved.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Moving out!

9. What was your biggest failure?
Hah I'd say I wasted too much time playing WoW during the summer.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Got hip checked by two cars in two months, and my immune system is killing my thyroid gland.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
The keyboard was a bit much, but the amp was really worth the money.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Chris and Kent from Dr.McNinja have done a good job and teaching a one trick pony comic new tricks.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and/or depressed?
Jeph Jacques- Hannelore blows! After reading it for nearly half a decade I've stopped, it's over Jeph, let it die.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Moving and rent.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Moving and shows and CD releases.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Born Ruffians- Barnacle Goose

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder?
Happier, school and hanging around at home are more stimulating than work and going on the computer.

ii. thinner or fatter?
Lighter and weaker.

iii. richer or poorer?
Richer but not making money.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Jamming.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Crossed my arms and stand in the corner at clubs and bars.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
At home in Aylmer.

22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
It was all about the Bromance!

23. How many one-night stands?
One >_>.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Downtown!

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
All the fucking slow walkers on Wellington.

26. What was the best book you read?
Slaughterhouse 5 by Kurt Vonnegut, Happiness Inc. was also good.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
2008 was the year of roots rock for me. It was all about Plants and Animals, Man Man and Black Keys.

28. What did you want and get?
Laid. Last year that was the goal, so it's only fitting to confirm it now.

29. What did you want and not get?
I would've liked to have written some songs.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Iron Man.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were ya?
James and Cindy made me friendship bracelets and made more throughout the day. We ate at Frite Alors!

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Immeasurably? nothing. I was pretty satisfied.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Slob.

34. What kept you sane?
Our living room.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Got to dance with and lift Becky Nikovic back on stage. It was very hot.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Living without getting the newspaper is like living in a fish tank. Only things that happen near me matter.

37. Who did you miss?
Patsy. But he's here now!

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Met a lot of good people in the last six months.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007?
Are These They?


In 2008 did you:
1. Go to a party? Many.
2. Try something new? affirmative.
3. Has someone change your life? I did.
4. Kiss someone? Yup!
5. Tell your family and friends you love them? Bromance!
6. Buy something extravagant? $1000 Synthesizer and $500 amp.
7. Done something nice for someone? didn't push doors into people behind me.
8. Do something terribly wrong? Broke that sin about Sloth.
9. Move? 2 and a half hours away.
10. Go to a concert? Oh yes.

Best of the Year:
1. Party: We threw a pretty crazy new years party yesterday.
2. Show: Third Season Venture Bros.!
3. CD:Red Yellow Blue by Born Ruffians or Parc Avenue by Plants and Animals.
4. Movie: Iron Man.
5. Song: Barnacle Goose by Born Ruffians.
6. Experience:Moving Out.
7. Concert: Born Ruffians or Radiohead.
8. Book:Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut.
9. Month: July.
10. Day:July 12th.
Worst of the Year:
1. Party: Danny Cho's when we were at Tokyo.
2. Show: Little People Big World.
3. CD: The Wicked soundtrack.
4. Movie: Pineapple Express was really disappointing.
5. Song: Beautiful Girl by that fat gangsta kid.
6. Experience: Threw up drinking a couple times this year.
7. Concert: The Shout Out Out Out Out concert made me want to cry in sympathy.
8. Book: Chris Moore's Love Lizard was disappointing after his other books were so enjoyable.
9. Month: I'm sure some spring season at Second Cup was tedious.
10. Day:no idea.

Hopes for 2009:

1. Predict something that you think will happen in 2009? I think we'll record some songs.
2. What do you hope changes about your country? That we'd stop acting like Obama's our Prime Minister.
3. What do you hope for yourself? I'd like to build something big.
4. What do you hope for your family? That we'd see each other more often.
5. What do you hope for your best friends? That they'd do the dishes.
6. What do you hope for the rest of your friends? that they'd get out of the "rest of your friends" category.
7. What is your hope for 2009? see above.

During 2008:
where were you when it began: Emily's Apartment.
did you stay up: Awake but not aware.
what was your new year wish? World Domination.
how many girlfriends/boyrfriends: One.
broke up: One.
have any crushes?: Many.
care to mention names? Hah I could make a list.
new friends: Shirel, Denise, Justin, Alex, Emily, and the rest of the Second Cup chicas, and some of the people in GD I could stand to be better friends with.
win anything? Nah.
best place you went to: Our Apartment, and all our friends' apartments. And the Shitholes we looked at when we were looking for an apartment.
worst place you went to: When we were looking for apartments and that guy showed us around and then the landlord told us we weren't in the right apartment. That was awkward.
happiest moment: Finding the apartment.
how was your birthday: Very chill.

12/26/08 01:57 pm - Transcendental Masturbation

It's been a long time that I've been dissing The Dark Knight. Since before I even saw the movie. But I went in to the cinema assuming that it would be a good movie and that my mind would be changed...and it wasn't. Since then I've been doing my best to get to why it isn't a good movie. What did everyone else catch that I missed? I thought that maybe those Joker rants right be right over my head. But They weren't. It's not that it's just not for me or that I missed the point. I'm the target audience damn it, I grew up on those Warner Batman cartoons!

The Joker just isn't a realistic character. I don't mean realistic in that no one actually runs around in clown suits and kills people, I mean that his psychological demeanor wasn't realistic. I'm gonna paraphrase Kurt Vonnegut a bit: "Someone once told me that there are no villains. That everyone, regardless of how morally corrupt they may seem, always believe that they are doing what is right". Even psychopath serial killers don't think they are doing anything wrong- But not the Joker. He just did what he did to oppose Batman and show that Gotham was as evil as he was. I could understand if he was trying to prove that Gotham's Citizens were evil so that he could annihilate them afterward, or if he wanted to justifying his own suicide (just realized the irony of that, forgive me) because there is no good left in the world. But he just wanted to show that they were evil just to prove they were crazy and that the world was a chaotic place. I could have understood to if he believed in cosmic balance, that he was just doing what he does to balance out what Batman was doing. I fact that might have been it. But I can only hear the words order and chaos so many time before the sentence structure just falls into chaos. Plus a posthumous Oscar? The people who get Nobel Prizes don't even get awarded after they're dead, why should some actor transcend the grave?

But my biggest problem with The Dark Knight is this: For the whole movie, it feels like the writer thought that I was a complete moron. The dialogue is so condescending and explanatory. Every character speaks in monologues where they explain the whole theology of the movie. There's no symbolism, no subtlety, The Dark Knight was dydactic the whole way through. It felt like they thought I couldn't figure out any of the story or any of the characters' thought processes on my own. The dialogue just wasn't natural, no one is that introspective in a crisis! At the end of the movie, Gary Oldman, Bless his heart, says "Because he's the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we'll hunt him because he can take it. Because he's not our hero. He's a silent guardian, a watchful protector. A dark knight." Now tell me his kid didn't respond with "are you narrating a fucking movie, dad?"

12/20/08 11:54 am - Green Sallad

I'm home for the holidays. Coming back for ten days is strange, because it feels like I live here again, except I have no responsibilities and no life here. I'm engaged in doing whatever I please, but our time is very much taken up with our routines, and because I don't have one I am just a ghost who sleeps in, eats and surfs the web all day. I am the ghost of teenagers past.

Being home I've heard a lot of City and Colour's Bring Me Your Love, his second solo album, my sister and mom are into it. Given that singer-songwriter solo albums aren't a particular interest of mine, it was a nice album to listen to on a sunny winter morning drinking coffee and reading the paper. But now I've heard the album a couple times, and eventually I get to dissecting songs instead of just listening to them. Dallas Green makes some severely illogical production choices. The album feels like you're out in a cabin with your buddy Dallas having a great weekend, singing songs, maybe fishing or something, having a good Canadiany time.

One of the songs are playing, just Green and his guitar, when suddenly he starts singing his own harmony. Personally I find it a little weird when a soft acoustic outfit sings it's own harmony, because he can't exactly layer his voice in real life so it changes the atmosphere from intimate to I-had-a-lot-of-money-to-produce-this-album. As if I  were chilling with him and suddenly another Dallas Green walks through the door and starts singing too. It's just unnatural. Then on another track, my dad is drumming on the counter. The song doesn't have drums, but it desperately needs them. And many much less deserving songs have a backup rhythm section, why not that one? My non-musician dad could see exactly what drum beat the song needed and didn't have. The clincher for me was when Green counted himself off. There's guitar playing, and it keeps playing the exact same way, but Green goes "ONE TWO THREE FOUR" after he's started singing, but leading into the next verse. He's playing the unchanging guitar, there was no time change for the vocals, no additional instruments, what did you need a count off for? All that said, it is a very nice album if you don't really think too much about it. But don't hopscotch between intimacy and and a bigger sound Dallas, do one or the other.

12/16/08 08:12 pm - A Moment of Clarity

Often people I know will ask why I don't do drugs. I drink and smoke sometimes but I don't do drugs. "You'll see the world in a new way" they say. Usually I say something like "Why would I want to see the world from the perspective of all the other people using drugs" or the even more bland response "I think the way I see the world is better".  This response is not entirely true. The truth is, and here I will say something that most libraries would probably love me for: "Reading a book makes me see the world in a new and different way". When I read a good book it really changes my perspective on everything. Happiness TM made me a cowardly hero for a week, whereas Scar Tissue nearly convinced me stealing was both easy and perfectly normal. I just finished reading Slaughter House Five by Kurt Vonnegut. That is one of the most mind altering experiences I have had in awhile.

Today I wake up to get to the CLSC for 8:30, for blood tests. I get there and we are in a waiting room for about two hours, in which I finish reading Slaughter House Five. I am a pussy when it comes to getting blood taken. I get really stressed about them taking samples of my blood because whenever they do I nearly lose consciousness. I have to go and sit in the waiting room for a good ten minutes before I can walk straight again. Just found out yesterday that it's because I have really low blood pressure, which I've suspected for awhile because I get light headed when I tie my shoelaces.

I was reading SH5 and when I read books I really try to believe them, if you haven't read the book yet you won't get this, but this is what happened. The other day I had this moment that felt like I was genuinely in my future. So when I got my shot I tried my hardest to focus on that time instead of the one I was in, I was in the chair feeling nervous, and all the other times I'd done all that taking yourself out of the moment, mind over matter shit. Nothing worked. Today I tried becoming unglued from time and it worked. Didn't feel a thing, didn't feel like I was there at all. Eventually it all came back to me and I opened my eyes and there were two phials of blood on the counter and I didn't feel faint at all. It was fucking amazing. So I went to get my ear re-pierced and did the same thing. Now that is a mind altering book.

12/5/08 03:49 pm - Robo Rolled

 Following in the footsteps  of Evan's post about Chrono trigger, here is a really bizarre coincidence (that might not mean anything to you if you haven't played it):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NZ20N6syuwc

12/4/08 06:58 pm - For Those Who Need a Diversion

 Quiz Stolen from Adam Daw on facebook, edited to be better by me:

1: Type in "[your 1st name] needs" in the Google search:
Jeff needs TO FIX MY COCKER!!!!!!!!!

2: Type in "[your 1st name] looks like":
Jeff Looks like he's up to something!

3: Type in "[your 1st name] does" :
Jeff does it real good.

4: Type in "[your 1st name] hates" in Google search:
Jeff hates: the Environment.

5: Type in "[your 1st name] goes" or "..has gone" in Google search:
Jeff goes into rehab.

6: Type in "[your 1st name] loves" in Google search:
Jeff loves Julie... and vice versa!

7: Type in "[your 1st name] eats" in Google search:
Jeff eats a pet shark.

8: Type in "[your 1st name] has" in Google search:
Jeff has lost it?

9: Type in "[your 1st name] wants" in Google search:
Jeff wants to OD.

10. Type in "[your 1st name] shot" in Google search:
Jeff shot this great pronghorn buck in Wyoming's hunting season.

11. Type in "[your 1st name] lives" in Google search:
Jeff Lives out his fantasy.

12. Type in "[your 1st name] dies" in Google search:
Jeff dies in a tragic tree accident.

13. Type in "[your 1st name] and [the first name of the person you took this from]" :
Jeff Adams won the US National Championships in the 1500m wheelchair race today.

14. Type in "[your 1st name]" in Google images, and link to the first picture that comes up:
This is fucking awful: http://101squadron.com/uploaded_images/jeff-shaft-775880.jpg

15. Type in "[your 1st name]" killed in Google search:
Jeff the giant orange cat's favorite pasttime: killing.

16. Type in "[your 1st name]" drinks in Google search:
Jeff drinks nasty stuff.

17. Type in "[your 1st name]" fights in Google search:
Jeff fights Ray Park (with lightsabers!)

11/24/08 10:49 pm - The Doppelganger

 The window of my room faces out onto a back alley about one car lane wide and an apartment building across from us, where I can see, though not very well, the rooms of several apartments. I haven't really seen anything exciting yet in my spying yet, but good things come to those who wait.

Last week I wake up at 6a.m. to get ready for school, it's still dark outside dark outside and I stare out the window in a daze as I pop my pills. Suddenly I notice something and the hair on the back of my neck stands on end. as I look across the alley to the many dark windows, I notice that in the window directly across from mine, the light is on and there's the silhouette of someone sitting, staring out the window right back at me. I dive out of view, try to come to my senses and peek out the window again. The shadowy figure stares back, unmoving. I realize that my room is still dark so he probably can't see me very well, so I move to the kitchen where I can get a clearer look. The guy is still in the same place. Then I notice he has the most square shoulders I've ever seen. And he has stayed perfectly still throughout our transaction. I rub my eyes, wipe the sweat from my brow and realize that my nemesis was just a bunch of objects in the room stacked in a way that looks like they are a head and shoulders. I know it sounds crazy but it really does. I'll try and take a picture next time I'm up that early.

It also is almost an exact parallel to a strip from one of my favorite (though on hiatus indefinitely for the past couple years) web comics, A Lesson is Learned, But the Damage is Irreversible. Here's the link:
http://www.alessonislearned.com/index.php?comic=37

And hey look, it's snowing.

11/17/08 09:26 pm - STFUCats

 Ok, it's been long enough. The grace period has expired. 

LOLCats are fucking retarded. All you brain dead chumps reading them, encouraging them, helping them propagate, and worst of all, making them, you ought to be ashamed of yourselves. It was irritating enough when I'd get spam emails filled with pictures of cute animals, now they have to have bastardized 1337 captions? When these things becomes commonplace a typically cute cat, something I wouldn't mind seeing in real life, becomes banal.

How many times do I have to say it? "Ur" cannot be "your". "Ur" phonetically is still "Ur". Are you really such poor typists that the two letters take that much more time to write? The only excuse to type things like that is for gamers typing to each other in games where time is of the essence and one must communicate quickly. Otherwise you're just comtributing to the degradation of the language and perpetuating internet stereotypes. 

Now the part of this whole fad that alludes me is how on earth these things got so damned popular. Does anyone remember those tacky posters you might see in a dentist's waiting room or a particularly uncool dorm room that had pictures of cats with captions that said either "hang in there baby!" or "bad hair day"? Did you think those were cool? Does the concept of TGI friday thrill you? Do you regularly sport "flair"?

Give it up people. Drop LOLCats. Here's what I propose. If you really feel the urge to caption some picture, get some really underwhelming animal, for instance a small-mouthed bass, and have him say something along the lines of "May I please have a cheeseburger?". No cute animals, no contractions. And for the love of god don't post it anywhere. Just keep it on your computer until you're willing to part with it. It'll be our little secret.

10/30/08 05:02 pm - Shreddiclops, Wolverios

 I've said it before and I'll say it again: Cereal commercials are becoming way too ambitious. Toucan Sam's nephews (reminiscent of those duck kids from disney?) are lost in the jungle, and The Honey Nut Cheerios Bee is fighting bee pirates in a sea of honey. And Most epic of all, Lucky of Lucky Charms fame has found his grandfather-forest-man-ent who has given him the power to Control Time! So I checked out my cereal box to see if there was a follow up story and found this:

The Magic of Lucky Charms:

Horseshoe: Speed
Balloon: Float
Green Hat: Luck
Heart: Life
Half Moon: Invisibility
Hourglass: Time
Shooting Star: Flight
Rainbow: Travel

So my  question to you is, assuming that life means indestructibility and travel means teleportation, which Lucky Charms power would you have? And my other question is: What the fuck is up with cereal adds these days? 
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